8 Sentence Sunday on Dieselpunks #39

Last Sunday we began Chapter 2 of Rand Hart and the Pajama Putsch. Having received a few comments with suggested improvements, I rewrote the section posted last week and include it today for comparison. Today’s 8 sentences start after “Flamingo Palace”.

I intend to publish the novella October 16th. Here is last week’s revised snippet and today’s:

When Hart checked at the ticket counter in Miami, he discovered the Pan Am flight he wanted didn’t take off until eight the next morning. He bought a ticket for one of the five remaining seats and then left the terminal to find a cab. Two were waiting. The drivers standing on the curb by their vehicles. A big, white General sedan and a brand new, elegant, if old-fashioned, Checker. Hart picked the Checker.

“Where to, Pal?”

“The hotel closest to the Pan Am seaplane terminal.”

“Can do.”

The cabbie took Hart’s suitcase and put it in the trunk, while Hart got in the back seat. The cabbie got behind the wheel and the cab was rolling.

Within minutes, Hart found himself, suitcase in hand, standing before the entrance to The Mango House Hotel. The place was a three story stucco building painted a hideous shade of pink. Hart thought a moment and decided he’d never seen a mango that color and wondered why the owners hadn’t called the place the Flamingo Palace. Oh, well. As long as the bed was comfortable and the water hot, it probably didn’t matter what the name or the color was.

He walked in and requested a room. The clerk told him they had one and, after Hart signed for it, gave him the key. Room 305.

“Any place close by I can get a meal and something to drink?” Hart asked.

“The Highball, three doors down is a decent bar and at the corner,” the clerk pointed in the opposite direction, “Jimmy’s is a good place to get a meal.”

“Thanks,” Hart replied and took the stairs to his room. He wasn’t overly fond of elevators.

To be continued!

If you write or read Dieselpunk, join in the fun: 8 Sentence Sunday on Dieselpunks.

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4 thoughts on “8 Sentence Sunday on Dieselpunks #39”

  1. Well, let’s see whether Aksimet really solve the problem 🙂

    It is a good snippet, though I still think it gets in too much details of things the reader can easily infer by himself. But I don’t knwo what comes next, so maybe I really need the details 🙂
    I still like the comment on the hotel more than anything. It has a great voice.

  2. “The Flamingo Palace”… heh. I still like that the second time round. Didn’t Elvis stay there once? Agatha Christie could have written about it… “Foster Mangonelli in Fear at the Flamingo Palace!”

    Good snippets, CW! I like how you manage to set the scene without going into too much detail. It’s snappy and to the point whilst focusing upon keywords to let the reader fill in the gaps. Immersive is the word I’m grasping for. Love it.

    1. Thanks, Crispian! I’m all for letting the reader fill in the gaps. Something I picked up from Japanese literature. It’s a way to join hands with the reader and make him or her a partner in the storytelling.

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